I wasn’t in a great mood this past Easter weekend.
As one who leads a small group studying Jennie Allen’s wonderful book, “Get Out of Your Head,” I am ashamed to admit I got WAY too deep inside my head. I allowed various things to bring me to a boiling point of pure funk with a few cries here and there and allowing my joy to be stolen.
What Christian wakes up on the holiest day of the year and cries, not tears of joy, but tears of despair?
It was a gorgeous weekend it was, and I did turn it around with morning worship, communion, and time with special friends.
Still, I am mad at myself for allowing my mind to go to a place it hadn’t gone in ages. Again, there were several factors that I allowed to influence this (notice how I continue to use the word “allow” or some form of it?).
Yes, I had a choice, and after all those weeks of a pretty serious Lenten journey, I nearly blew it on Easter.
I’ve already asked God’s forgiveness for my temporary despair, but I feel compelled to write a short prayer.
Dear Heavenly Father,
It’s me (but you already know that), your loving and greatly imperfect child.
Forgive my really bad attitude this past weekend, the weekend in which I both mourned your death on Friday and Saturday then celebrated your resurrection yesterday. Actually, I celebrate your resurrection in my heart daily, but yesterday your Church around the world celebrated in a big way. Thanks for nudging me to go to church.
You know my heart better than I do. You know my struggles, desires, good intentions, rotten thoughts, and everything else that takes up space in there. Forgive me for my little pity party. Forgive me for feeling like I wasn’t being sensitive to a special person’s fresh grief. Forgive me for being so caught up in stuff that I was late arriving at some friends’ home and only got in a quick visit, even though they sent me away with a freshly baked nut roll. Forgive me for nearly blowing the most important day of the year.
I will do better. Every. Single. Day.
Thanks for your endless grace and mercy, Father. I so love you.
Amen and amen.