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As I sit down to write this post, I am equipped with a few packs of notecards I recently purchased. Lent begins on February 18, and I have decided to resurrect my Lenten practice of a few years ago, writing a card each day to an individual or a couple whose life and faith have inspired or positively impacted me.
When I began my Lenten notecard project a few years ago, I made a list of people to whom I would be writing. This year, I am going to wing it.
The first person to whom I wrote a card when I engaged in this writing project was a beloved friend whom I have known my entire life, as in before I even started school. Our mothers were great friends, and even though my friend and I hung out with different groups of people in high school, we grew up in church together and the bond of friendship had been long established. We had many, many fun and memorable times growing up, so it warmed my heart to have her as the recipient of my first card, and she seemed deeply touched to receive it.
Nearly two years ago, she made a post on a social media platform that really hit my heart… and not in a good way, so I took a deep breath and shared my thoughts within this post.
Ah… good old social media and our use of it.
I stepped back from the conversation. In retrospect, I should have addressed this privately, but I also felt it was important for some of those nasty-mouthed commenters to hear another view. After pondering a bit, I thought of our friendship and realized I could count on one hand with fingers remaining the number of times she had initiated a text or call to me in our adult years. It was always ME calling and seeking connection.
So I decided to put a big boundary around myself and unfriend her (I actually blocked her at first, then unblocked her).
Again, I should have addressed this matter privately, and that’s on me. I stand guilty, and I am sorry.
Fast forward about 7 months, and my friend’s world was turned upside down. My heart broke for her and her children, and I immediately texted her. I expected no reply (which I didn’t get anyway) because I knew she was worn out and was now facing a very different life. I made a small memorial gift to their church.
And two months later–a year ago now–I sat down and wrote her another card.
But this card wasn’t speaking of our faith and how we’d grown up together in church.
This card was an apology for having inserted myself into her social media post. I reiterated that I stood by my own feelings about the matter, but I added that I shouldn’t have addressed it in a public forum. I wrote, “I humbly ask your forgiveness,” and I closed by telling her I love her.
Crickets.
I’ve asked myself: “Did I put a stamp on the envelope?” “Did I put a return address on it?” “Did I write the correct address on there?” I am pretty darn certain I did, indeed, place a stamp and a return address sticker on the envelope, and as far as her address goes? Well, let’s just say it’s a very small town, and her street has few houses on it. Even if it had been placed in the wrong mailbox, someone would have likely taken it to her.
There have been many times in my life when I have had to dig hard to forgive someone. The person who preyed on me after my husband was killed and confused me, for one. We came full circle many years later by extending and receiving forgiveness from each other. The person who accused me of a “performance” when I had a virus and was projectile vomiting. For whatever crazy reason, he thought I was trying to “derail” his daughter’s 21st birthday. I’m capable of a few things, but destroying a birthday celebration and possessing a talent to vomit uncontrollably are not two of them. It took me a long time to truly forgive him (not that he asked), but forgive I did.
In His Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said the following:
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:15, NIV)
Ouch… BIG OUCH!
In my own life, even when I have been hurt deeply and have struggled to forgive, I know that I am commanded to do so. Besides, my heart is not at peace when it is laden with unforgiveness.
We are humans, and we get hurt sometimes. It’s okay to express our hurt and even our anger as long as we do so in a firm but respectable way.
Life it too short to live in a spirit of unforgiveness. I knew of a man years ago who walked up to his daughter’s killer during his sentencing and told him he forgave him.
Can you imagine?
And yet, it’s what we are called to do.
I am no saint by any means. I have been hurt, and I have hurt others. I have forgiven people who hurt me, and I have asked forgiveness from those whom I have hurt.
If you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
I think I may include my friend again in my upcoming Lenten project. I will make sure the card is stamped, has a return address, and has her correct address on it. I will once again ask forgiveness, reminding her that God has forgiven us and everyone else for all the countless sins we’ve committed. That’s huge.
And yet, if forgiveness is not extended to me, I can rest, knowing I did what was right.
A lesson for all of us to ponder.
Amy Walton will quickly admit she isn’t perfect (no where close!), but that she wants a heart saturated in forgiveness and peace. Connect with her at amywaltoncoaching@gmail.com.